Giant bat woke me in the middle of the night. Flew into a tiny side passage where I can’t fit. Cat went to look and came back fluffy. Now cat’s chewing on garlic. Silly cat.

Spotted the giant bat flapping around again. It was carrying a big wooden box. Cat got all fluffy, again. Stupid bat. Silly Cat.

Giant bat flew in carrying a maiden all in white. That does it! Nobody eats maidens in this cave but the big lizard.

Revising original assessment on maiden. Giant white bat flew by this evening with giant black bat. Cat VERY fluffy now. Beginning to think cat might have a point.

Cat refuses to check out side tunnel. Claims we’re infested with vampires. Very fluffy. Wondering what vampires are, now.

Reading up on vampires. Aunt Kayath had a great recipe book. Going to need wooden skewers & brandy for the flambe.

Gotta love dragon cookbooks: Vampires on brochet, or Vlad the Impaled. skewer 3 Medium vampires, soak in brandy for one hour, light with breath…

Now that I’ve got a good vampire recipe, I just need to catch them. I wonder if the dwarfware store sells vampire bat paper.

Went to the dwarfware store. No bat paper, but they had a couple of those big snappy traps and some inflatable maidens for bait. At least that’s what I’m using them for. The counter dwarf gave me a funny look when I said I wanted some.

Bother. Need new bait. Cat had incident with the inflatable maidens. POP! Now cat’s all fluffy again. Sigh.

Man tried to sell me phone service today. Told me it would mean people could reach me without coming to door. Then I wouldn’t be able to ated them, so I ated phone man. Keep hearing ringing from tummy now. Sigh.

Tummy still ringing intermittently. Cat went fluffy from laughing so hard. Hate, hate, hate phones! Why would anyone invent such a noisy distraction?

Weird! Out for a fly around and thought I’d run into more giant bats, but it turned out to be entire flock of bat-winged pigs. I ated them, of course. They were delicious—gotta love inflight bacon delivery service—but what the…

Found my snappy vampire trap empty. The new inflatable maiden bait was still in place but it had a punctured neck with two straws left in the holes. Think they’re mocking me.

Cat came running in all fluffy, claiming there’s snow on the ground. But according to forecast there’s a 90% chance it’s a hallucination. Going with that.

Moved on from traps for vampires. Going to try direct action. Have bought vampire bat swatter and am waiting for my chance.

Woke up and found someone had tied big bell to vampire swatter. Ha. Ha. Screw the swatter. Kill them with fire. Drinking white gas and chewing coal.

Told cat about my plan for flaming out the vampire tunnel. Cat went all fluffy and bolted off into the woods. Weird, what could possibly go wrong?

What’s odorless and colorless and apparently abundant in the dragon cave? Cat and I are going to be natural gas tycoons. Also…Booom!

Stupid vampires!

Snappy trap, bad. Fire, bad. Vampire paper, not available. Hiring dwarves with wooden stakes. An oldie but a goodie.

Even better idea! Pointy face horse! Comes with own built in stake! Also, owes me a favor.

Pointy face horse says it would be DELIGHTED to help with the vampires. Cat still fluffy. A little worried now.

Now pointy-face horse is cackling. Sounds like a whinny run through a blender. A little creeped out actually. Horses shouldn’t cackle.

OK, this is getting weird. Pointy-face horse is sitting outside the vampire tunnel making “ak-ak-ak” noises and wiggling its butt like cat does going after a bird.

It’s been three hours and no sign of the vampires yet. Pointy face horse is still akakaking and butt wiggling away. Getting tired just watching.

DAMN! First vampire came out, the male, and pointy-face horse jumped eight feet straight up and speared it through the chest.

Still stunned at how the fast pointy face horse moved when that vampire came out. Pointy face is cleaning horn now and waiting for the next one.

The vampire that the pointy-face horse spiked has started to smoke and steam. Pink smoke and green steam… A little worried actually.

…and that’s two vampires down. Now the pointy-face horse is doing a little dance. Didn’t know you could moonwalk with hooves.

Both spiked vampires leaking multicolored smoke and steam now. Stupid pointy-face horse still moonwalking. Cat still fluffy. Starting to regret whole thing.

The vampires are melting now…into little rainbow puddles of goo. How am I ever going to get this out of my carpets?

Melty vampires are unmelting now! Something is rising from the puddle of rainbow goo and turning into…damn you pointy-face! Apparently, vampires spiked by pointy-face horse turn into little pointy-faces. Argh!

Stupid little pointy-face horses bolted into cat’s nest. Now what do I do? So much worse than vampires.

Banging head on rock now. Cat thinks stupid little pointy-faces are cute, wants to keep them.

Cat has adopted the stupid pointy face ponies. Am consoling myself with 2,000lb sponge cake soaked in rum. Sparkly Holidays! Also, thanks to Aunt Kayeth.

Holy cthulhu, but that was a good rum cake! Is it really Sunday?

A little concerned about cat and the little pointy-face ponies. Think they’re learning to purr, and I doubt they’ll use the power for good.

Woke up to find baby pointy-face horse curled up against me purring. Cute overwhelming will to live. Going to go burn a village as antidote. Kill the cute with fire!

Feels so good to get back to the dragon classics. The village was delicious.

Whole troop of knights have shown up to avenge the village. I love it when that happens. Knight baked in the shell is one of my favorites. Let me just get the old flame ready to go…

Decided to roll some of the knights in tar then dip them in salt before slow roasting. Really seals in the flavor!

Need to find more knights, mounted this time, Aunt Kayath sent me a recipe for pit-roasted charger in full barding.

Was on the way back to the cave when I spied a dwarf mound. Dwarves = treasure, and the hoard’s looking a little tatty, so it’s time to do some digging. Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly!

Just discovered it’s Cthulhumas again. How the %!@*% did that happen? What do you suppose my chances are of finding a dragonslayer between now and having to go to family dinner?

Being a 40 ton flying dragon means your relatives simply won’t believe you’re snowed in and can’t make Cthulhumas. Sigh.

Maybe we could spend Cthulhumas with Cat’s family. Eating a few dead mice seems a small price to pay to avoid Uncle Fafnir’s pull my wing gag.

Cthulhumas; the perfect day for dragon slayers, but on the only day of the year I wouldn’t put up a fight I can’t find one. Lazy buggers. Guess it’s family dinner…And the damned cat is hiding. Fuzzy little coward.

Survived Cthulhumas dinner with family. Not nearly as bad as expected. Even got a little misty at Kayeth reading Rudolph the red-tentcled shuggoth.

Getting ready for new year’s eve. Raided the vinyard in town and carried off four big vats of red. A little raw, but otherwise not bad.

Holy Cthulhu, but that wine had a kick! Don’t remember anything after midnight, and my head feels like it’s full of angry eels.

Head still full of eels. Worse yet I seem to have acquired a tattoo of a strange girl on my foreleg. Wish I knew who and how. Must have been some party.

Now cat is mocking me, calling me “the dragon with the girl tattoo.” Stupid cat.

Cat got sick of the snow and made me fly us to the tropics. Ated my first bird of paradise today. Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly!

Went to sleep on beach, woke up afloat. Not sure I like this whole tides thing.

Whazza? Napping, why do you ask, cat? Thursday? Late January? Oh hell. Actually, screw it. Wake me in February.

Survived the head cold. Less sure about the baby unicorns. Turns out that glittering makes a very faint high pitched whine…

Dragon Diaries Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven. Also, Unicorn Diaries and Dragon’s Cat