Re: Proposed change to feline barfing schedule/cancellation of the 4:00 a.m. bathroom hallway express.
Conceded: Religious/cultural significance of barfing for feline household members. Fish gotta swim. Birds gotta fly. Cats gotta barf.
Points of ongoing dispute unrelated to current negotiations: Comparative authority/ownership of all household assets (including human and feline members). Timing and availability of treats and other food items.
Proposed alternatives: Double barfing privileges at other times, increased snack flow, reduced death threats.
Relationship to writing: Decreased 4:00 a.m. barfing should result in increased sleeping and greater literary production, which will in turn lead to more funds available for indulgence of feline needs.
In closing: We are eagerly awaiting your response.